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Suatu ketika dahulu... kisah hari ke 14
I lived a miserable day the first 2 weeks.
Masih fobia dengan kehilangan Aisyah Humairah pada hari ke 14. Kehilangan Zainab nungkin tak sefobia kehilangan Aisyah, sebab kehilangan Zainab dah dijangka. Beberapa jam selepas kelahiran zainab, paediatrician dah bagi poor prognosis sebab ada huge bleeding dekat brain dia- intraventricular hemorrhage.
Tapi Aisyah, lepas few days intubated, she did well, extubated, and was send to SCN. Suatu hari, pada hari ke 14, visit dia di SCN pada siang hari .. memang nampak spO2 (oxygen level) turun naik, tapi based on m.o incharge, it was still within normal range bagi baby premature. Malamnya, dapat panggilan. 2 x. Pertama, kata baby tak stabil...oxygen desaturate. Yang kedua, kata baby kritikal. Bila sampai di NICU, ramai tengah resus...lepas berapa ketika, the doctors discuss whether to let go or continue CPR, but, there's no respond. My husband chose to let go in peace. Sempat pegang, riba dan dukung dia for the first and the last. Cause of death was sepsis.
That's why I'm so miserable. Dont want to talk about my baby Muhammad... dont want to expect too much, but dont want to lose hope either. For they said, if mother is strong, so is the baby. Thank you so much for my husband.. taking leave for another week..
Bila specialist kata nak jumpa dan discuss pasal Muhammad, the first thing came in my mind.. did she want to break the bad news? Poor prognosis? Tapi rupanya tidak... mujurlah.She did tell few complications that he may have... PDA, renal failure, lung hypoplasia.... tapi cara dia explain tu macam santai, so tak rasa serius sangat. Boleh reversible lagi. Dan aku berdoa agar complications tu reversible, dan assumption yang specialist buat tu semua salah. The paediatrician said, take it one day at a time... and there we are, one day at a time. And Muhammad also get through all the problems one day at a time
Minggu pertama, Muhammad did well. Jaundice teruk dan left foot ada laceration, alhamdulillah, tak melarat. Healed well. Jaundice pun bertahan...kejap double phototherapy, kejap single phototherapy, kejap double photo with reflection (extra power..) tapi alhamdulillah, tak kena Exchanged Transfusion.
After 1 week, Muhammad developed lung infections. And in the chest xray, there was features of chronic lung disease... due to underdeveloped lungs. Dengar perkataan infection, risau tak habis2. Takut2 sepsis lagi. Alhamdulillah, infections controlled with antibiotics.
Dah lepas 14 hari, kami dah boleh tersenyum sedikit. Tapi masih ada masalah. Muhammad masih ventilated.
PDA closed, renal pun improving now. Sekarang sPO2 fluctuate, oxygen level turun naik. Treat as GERD (reflux disease).. lungs pulak masih ada PPHN dan chronic lung disease. Tak dapat off ventilator. My specialist nak bagi dexamethasone, tapi nak tunggu weight naik lagi. Mudah2an lepas bagi dexa, lungs Muhammad kuat sikit dan jadi lebih elok.
After 2nd week, kaki kiri pulak bermasalah. Swollen, redden, 4th and 5th toes bluish. Mungkin kena vessels masa needle prick, mungkin juga macam assumption paediatrician tu, infection emboli. Aku dah fikir macam2... macam mana kalau gangrene, kena amputate? Risau lagi. Doa tak putus. Alhamdulillah after few days, bengkak tu surut, and less bluish, less reddish.
Alhamdulillah. hari ni hari ke 30. Walaupun tak dapat menarik nafas lega lagi, bersyukur sangat berat Muhammad dah naik 1.1kg, feeding dah naik 10cc, dan Muhammad masih ada bersama kami 30 hari. Kadang2 nampak aktif, kadang2 banyak tidur dan merisaukan kami.
Minta maaf umi abah, siblings, relatives and friends, I feel difficult to tell about Muhammad current conditions... unless he is fully healthy, then it is easy. Aku mahu cerita yang baik2 saja tentang Muhammad... kerana aku mahu endingnya baik. Mudah2an.
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