Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Rindu..

Hari ni dah start keje kat KK. Alhamdulillah everything seems interesting. The surrounding, the staffs. Patients pun ok lah hari ni.. tapi according to the staffs tu katanya ramai gak kadang2 boleh sampai 100-200 org, ikut musim. (pesakit pun datang jumpa doktor bermusim jugak tau! Jangan ingat hujan, banjir je ada musimnya..hehe)

Tapi hari ni tak jadi lah nak tidur kat KK.... rindu Damia'! Sampai masa nap pun boleh lagik mimpi dia..

Kalau ikutkan, plan awal nya kitorang nak tinggalkan Damia' kat umah TokWan(nenek) ngan mokTok (moyang) dia. Weekdays kitorang duk kat KK, weekend baru balik KB. T api hari ni tak berjayalah.

YaAllah, bantulah kami agar cepat dapat jumpa pengasuh yang sesuai tu, amin.


Damia' tengah belajar solat ngan ayahnya


Damia' with her cousins




Damia' masa kat hotel@Kuantan baru2 ni

Wednesday, April 15, 2009

mOVInG...

Kami nak berpindah dah.

21hb ni habis confinement.. dapat surat bertukar ke K.Krai, so start keje terus ke sana lah. 1 hour journey je dr KB. Tapi kalau nak ulang alik KB- KK, licin lah poket kitorang (esp my hubby.. sebab slalu guna duit dia isi minyak.. hehe)

So, rumah dah dapat. Rumah teres setingkat, tiga bilik.. RM 300. Boleh tahan standard harganya, cam kat KB. Tapi puas hati lah sebab dapat rumah baru. Alhamdulillah. Ada satu tu, rumah buruk pun nak kasi RM 300 jugak.. hampeh. Nasib baik jumpa cari yang lain. Kepada pelabur2 yang suka beli tanah, buat la rumah lagik kat sana sebab memang ramai yang cari rumah sewa.

Dulu, masa my hubby kena pindah sana last October, memang dia ulang alik tiap2 hari, except bila time oncall and postcall (penat & ngantuknya bila postcall.. boleh tertidur masa drive, bahaya!). Alhamdulillah dapat bertukar ke tempat yang sama ( tu pun lepas jumpa pengarah JKNK. Asalnya dapat letter transferred to P.Mas... ada ke patut..?Padahal dah isi form pilih tempat utk ditukarkan, lagi tambah dengan surat lagik. Tapi disebabkan pengarah tu luluskan utk tukar lepas jumpa dia, tak de la komen banyak kan..)

Masalahnye sekarang, bila dah dapat tempat sama ni, terpaksa pulak tinggalkan Damia'.. sedih sungguh. Apa nak buat, sekarang banyak kes2 menjijikkan berlaku pada budak2 yang ditinggalkan pada pengasuh- ada kes rogol oleh suami pengasuh, anak lelaki pengasuh, dera lagi.. Astaghfirullahal 'azim. BIla syaitan dan Nafsu menjadi tuan. Inilah bahana nya tengok cerita2 tak bertapis, tengok gambar separuh bogel artis2 MALAYSIA, bahananya beli cd2 lucah berleluasa dan tidak diambil tindakan... bahananya bila iman dan ihsan tidak dididik.. bahananya bila hati sudah hitam keras. Astaghfirullahal 'azim.

Jjadi kami berasa amat tak tenteram nak tinggalkan anak pada orang lain buat masa ni. At least not till we find the right person (yang soleh and muslih). So, buat sementara ni, we think better we leave her with her granny and great granny at KB.

I must be missng you so much then~!





Nik Fatimah Damia' masa melawat arwah adiknya di NICU




Damia' masa bercuti di perdana resort

.........................................................................................................................................................................


Ya Allah, ampunkan dosaku.

Ya Allah.. kuatkan lan imanku, iman suamiku, iman anak2 ku, iman saudara2 dan ahli
keluargaku.

Ya Allah, selamatkanlah keluargaku, anakku, keturunanku dari perbuatan jahat syaitan, jin
dan manusia...

Amin.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

UzaP Osim~

Lagi 2 minggu nak start keje dah.

Apsal rasa berat semacam je badan ni?

Masa pregnant ari tu dah gain 11kg within 7 months! Masa ngandungkan Damia dulu gained 17 kg.. so, it's not a big deal hehe. Mungkin kalau yang ni cukup bulan, berat naik lagi la tu..

Tapi yang risaunya sebab masa 1st delivery dulu, masa pantang je dah turun 10 kg... and then continuously reducing slowly,.. till my normal weight. Yang kali ni, mungkin sebab tak breastfeeding, then tak jaga makan betul2 macam dulu , berat turun about 6 kg je then rebound balik dah skrg ni 2kg. Amma appa...camana nak buat ni?~

I asked my old school mate yang dah ada anak 3, but still can maintain bodyweight lagi (..Kagumnye!).. tanya dia buat camana? walaupun tahu, sejak skolah lagik memang dia beauty conscious. Pulak tu dapat pulak husband yang beauty conscious jugak ( memang husband dia conssistantly jogs every weekend..). As I presumed, jawapan dia the best way is to watch what we eat, reduce the amount, then excercise. Memang dah agak jawapan tu. Tapi ye lah, dengar dari kawan sendiri, rasa semangat sket nak buat, ye tak? lagipun dah nampak hasil nya tuh..

Sejak keje and kawin ni, memang boleh kata tak exercise langsung... tak de tempat yang sesuai nak jogging, tak de masa.... malas jugak..huhu.

Pastu dia suggest guna Uzap Osim untuk reshaping balik.. berkesan katanya.. hmm apa tu? Search punya search, ni lah benda nye...Uzap Osim. tak sangka benda ni berkesan. S


Saya memang dulu tak percaya menda2 'segera' cam ni. I beleive in 'no pain no gain'...

Tapi memandangkan kawan saya yang rekemen.. hmm.. mungkin boleh cuba? hehe.. (People can change right? Especially after married..huhuhu) BUt I think must follow with excercise lah.


Her Name is Nik Aisyah HUmaira' episode 2


Alhamdulillah, after few days intubated, her progression was excellent. Initially.

During ventilated, she had jaundice which improved with phototherapy. Her ventilator weaned down then off.


She was put on C-PAP, an oxygen supplier higher than high flow mask, but a little bit lower than ventilator.


A few days later, CPAP was off and was put on head box, then switched to nasal prong oxygen and incubator oxygen.


Now I can see her better. She had a lovely lips, with a well pointed nose. And her eyes were small. Her eyebrows closed to each other. She looked like her dad.


The progression was quite impressive. There was a small PDA, but closed with doses of indomethacin.

Previously I was treated as chorioamnionitis (based on the leaking liquour and fever), luckily alhamdulillah my baby hadn't had any fever. Even though, the specialist in charged had covored her with strong group of antibiotics.

However, there was something I worried about. She seem less active lately than couple of days after she delivered. She slept a lot, hardly open her eyes every time i saw her. And also minimal movement of her limbs. That worried me, because that's not seem normal to me. But the specialists incharge try to convinced me that nothing is wrong as the oxygen was adequate and normal. And the baby's colour was pink.

The condition stay the same. I tried to think positive. Sometimes I can see her indigenous smile, so sweet. I can hear her crying, but rarely, and it was slow.


One day, my baby was transferred from NICU to SCN. I felt so happy. That's mean I can hold her on my arm now. InsyaAllah, if she gain weight fast, she can be home early. The weight at that time was 1.3kg, a llitle bit reduced from her birth weight.


Unfortunately, when I saw her the morning she had been transferred, she was at the acute bed. Having one episode of apnea early that morning. I couldn't hold her yet. She was put back on nasal prong oxygen. BUt alhamdulillah, no more apnea for the rest of the day.


A day after, I went to see my baby with my father in the morning. The staff nurse told me that my baby had episode of shallow breathing that day. Initially I was releif as it was not apnea, but later on I felt worry after I realized that it may lead to it anytime it occured.

My husband came home from work later in the evening. After maghrib, I went to the hospital with him. We was told that Septic workout was done ordered by the specialist and was started on Tienam. She was treated as sepsis. I can feel something's going on.

Coming back home, I felt so miserable, so sad, so angry... so helpless.


It was later at night, when I was started to sleep, I received a phone call from the m.o incharged, told me that my baby was intubated again. She had another episode of apnea. I cried, but I thought it was just intubated as before, nothing worse to occur.

It was late, and my husband will be oncall tomorrow. So I planned to go early in the morning to see her.


About an hour later, another call from the hospital. The same m.o called. My baby condition was worsening. She had coagulopathy. Sepsis with coagulopathy. S

he informed me that there was bruises all over her body and er left hand was swollen due to blood taking over the artery. She afraid that it was gangrene. Ya Allah!


A few minutes later, another call. CPR was performed.

When we arrived, our baby was going. Pupils fixed dilated, but still on ventilator. My hubby told the m.os to off it.
Remembering her during that day will weep me. She had bruises all over her body, left hand blackened, her lips dry and had a little movement, gasping.

Now I can hold her in my arm. The first and the last.

She passed away 2.30 am 5th of March 2009. 14 days after given birth.


She left me when my loves started to grow.

Allah lebih menyayanginya.. dan kita semua pun akan kembali kepada Nya.


But I want her to know..

Ummi sayang kamu.






Tuesday, April 7, 2009

Her name is Nik Aisyah Humaira'

Today is the 48th day i'm in maternity leave... also it's already nearly 50 days after my second child passed away.

My second baby was a girl... born premature 29 week, 1.4 kg.

I wanted to remember her that's why i wrote it here.

It happened one night, about 4 am when i was sleeping, i felt a leak of fluid came out during sleeping. It terrified me as initially I thought I've got urine incontinence.. but after a few minutes, I felt a gush of fluid came out. I tried to hold it, but i can't. Panic jugak...memang betul2 ingat urine. Tapi, tak de rasa nak PU pun..

Then i went to the toilet.... but urine just came out a lititle. Then after that i suspected something not right... may be it's liquour? amniotic fluid.. org melayu kata pecah ketuban. Then i triedl to smell the fluid in the room that wet the sselimut..yes, it smells like liquour! I woke up my hubby and told him. He smelled.. yeah, liquor! and he panicked.

Anyway, I suggest to perform Subuh prayer first before going to the hospital.... and it already only 1 hour before Subuh. And i didn't worry much as i have no labour symptoms at all, and no urinary tract infection symptoms as well- that commonly cause leaking liquour.

My hubby amek EL. Pegi hospital... amik high vaginal swab, check Os.. closed, alhamdulillah. Fetal heart good. Fetal kick, present. Cuma bila buat scan, AFI nearly zero. Liquour hampir habis semua keluar. IM Dexamethasone injected... OUCH!! SAKIT! Tab Erythromycin given to cover for any infection.

18 Feb 09, Rabu, Kul 7.30, masuk wad. Betapa boringnye jadik patient.. baru tahu! Nasib baik dpt bilik single kat wad 12 tu.. ada bilik air sendiri kat dalam. Bebas la sket, tak de la rasa open air sangat. Boleh la bukak2 tudung jugak bila line clear..

Sepanjang hari tu, liquour still leak 1/2- 1 pad each shift. Specialist Dr Nik Azrita datang round...kata don't worry, liquour can be produced back. Cuma kalau sign of infection- abd pain ke, foul smelly discharge kena inform. Yang penting contraction pain kalau ada kena inform jugak, sbb nak tocolize ( inject medication to stop the contraction). Masa tu dah ada irregular, mild abd tightening, but no pain. So she said not to worry yet until pain present. OK la. lagi pun rasa cam mengeras sikit2 je.. sikit sangat, sampai was2, betul ke contraction ni? Jd ok lah, not to worry yet..

T. EES changed to IV antibiotics... IV flagyl tds ngan cefuroxime BD. Kul 8 mlm another injection of Dexa was given.. OUCH! again.. nasib baik dah complete 2 x je..

My hubby amek EL, tunggu malam tu. Tq dear.. tapi esoknya dia oncall.. sedih.

Esoknya 19 FEb.. initially everything goes well. FEtal kick..hmm.. present and active. liquour still leak same amount.. NO foul smelly discharge. No abd pain. No fever. Emm.. still irregular abd tightening. but no pain. not to worry. Hmm.. no specialist round today, only m.o with her h.o.m

My hubby sebelum subuh dah balik umah, tukar baju, nak kena pegi keja.. 1 hour journey.

Tengahari lunch hour umi and my sister Nana datang.. isk , rasa cam seram sejuk.. tak sedap badan pulak. Pastu rasa cam contraction pain kat suprapubic area.. rasa cam senggugut gitu. Tapi tak regular lagi.. tak pe lah kot. In the evening tu, dah became regular one in 15 min. Pastu badan rasa sejuk panas. Masa tu umi n nana dah balik. Nana kat nak datang malam..

Nasib baik masa nak solat maghrib, ayah ngoh n cik Ngoh datang. Pastu masa nurse datang amik observation tu, sy suh dia check temperature... yang sepatutnya tak perlu di suruh. Obviously in leaking liquour temperature should be taken 4 hourly to detect any raise of temp indicating of infection. All OnG staff should know that... or they think as i'm a doctor, i can detect the fever by myself, without the tools?

And there... the Temp was 38.9oC... and it raise to 40oC when I reach Labour room. The contraction up to 1:10 min. And I realised there was show (blood stained discharge- indicating labour progress) as well!

About half past 9pm, I was pushed to the labour room. Masa tu memang dah rasa regular pain... and the pain was stronger more frequent from time to time.
Alhamdulillah again, one room available . Kalau tak kena la duk cubicle yang closed by curtain je..

M.o reviewed... contraction dah 2 in 10 min. moderate pain. Temp 40 degree.. fetal heart present. CTG.. humm susah nak detect 29 weeker fetal heart by CTG. Os dah 3 cm.. Ya Allah..selamatkan anak ku.. White cell count raised from 10 to 23 thousand.. that means infection going on.

After discussed with specialist, tak boleh nak tocolized sebab infection. instead, had to augment with pitocin.. aduih.. mesti sakit. Alhamdulillah ventilator ada for my baby.. the last one. My hubby called from Hkk, said he'll came back.

Half an hour after pitocin run 2ii per hour, the pain became unbearable and more frequent and i felt the urge to push. And when i raised my leg, my babby just slide out easily because of her small size. It's a baby girl! Tapi.. kenapa my baby look so blue? and hardly cry.. Apgar Score 6, 8. The staff nurse rushed my baby out the room to the resuscitation room. Masa tu my hubby arrived. Sempat dia intubate our new baby. That was 12.44 am on 20th of February. She was then pushed to NICU. Ventilated.



3 days after that, i was discharged from ward. Subhanallah no more fever observed after i gave birth. Antibiotics changed to tablet to complete 10 days . . Alhamdulillah.

My baby.. still intubated, but no more sedated.. ventilator pun dah weaned down. Look like good improvement. NBM still, since there was aspiration from nasogastric tube. Tak boleh nak bagi breast feeding, tak boleh nak dukung, tak boleh nak cium.
Hanya boleh sentuh, tu pun lepas basuh tangan betul2.. untuk elakkan jangkitan kuman. Nampak aktif bila kena sentuh..

Thanks to SN Maimun.. datang bg semangat, cerita yang dia pun pernah lahirkan anak premature 750gm.. MashaAllah. Dan sekarang anak dia dah besar. We both motivated after heard the story of her child. Everyday me and my hubby came to see our baby 2-3 times per day.


To be continued...