Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Kursus Paediatric

A paediactric course was held 2 days- Yesterday and today at HKB.

I need a lot of courage to go there, as I would see the same peoples who treat my baby 3 months ago. The people who were there on the day of my baby was going. It caused me to recall back the whole lot of things about my baby.

There were some eyes, looking at me pitifully. While some others trying to be kind, asking me how I was feeling, how do I accept the things. But, it was hurting me. It was like you were forced to recall the event all over again.

Yes, I can accept the thing, I'm going through it well, alhamdulillah. But it's only 3 months, I still have my baby picture as my phone wallpaper, I still have the regret feeling for not keeping her head scalf (that was used in NICU to protect her head from heat loss) as something to hold when I remember her. Yes, I still feel sad. My eyes will water once I think of her or see her photos. But you don't want to ask people how sad they are, because that will make them even more sad. What you have to do is to encourage them to live with the lost.

I just want to hear the lecture, absorb all the knowledge, because life is going on... I want to persue my study. InsyaAllah on FMS.. may be next year?

And thank to Allah that I have Damia'. penawar hati saya. I think that's why I can't be apart from her for such a period of time. She is my baby now. I don't know what will happened to me if Damia' also gone or lost my hubby instead of my baby. Like what happened to kak Mazlina- who loss her husband few days before she delivered her second child.

Yes, alhamdulillah. Masih ramai yang lebih malang.. syukur kepada Mu atas ujian yang kecil ini. God only want to test people up to what they can bear only. Just to make them remember that He's there.

You think you can control your life, but when something happened like this, you will never forget that only Allah the Almighty have the ultimate power to control YOUR life.

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