Tuesday, February 8, 2011

Gravida 5

Full of hope. Full of caution. Full of sadness.

It's not only Gravida 5, but Gravida 5 , Para 3 + 1 with one living child. Yes, only the first one left. 3 gone.

Stepping into the world of pregnancy for the fifth time, gave me mixed feelings.

It seemed like stepping into the same nightmares, over and over again. You thought you already woke up, just then you realized that you are still in the dream. Even though you screamed you voice out, you can't exit from the horror dream. All you can do was cried helplessly.

On the other side, I longed to hold my little baby in my arm. I think every mother will have the same feeling. When the first child you ever had already grown up, you will longed for a new baby. Subhanallah. That's a portion from Allah's love that have been thrown to every mother's heart. So that, a mother will love all children that she had equally.

I'm just having my a-week-mc for pv bleeding. Admitted one day for bed rest. Just discharged this evening. Before discharged, another ultrasound was done, but fetal heart was not found. And the fetous measured 8weeks POG. And I knew what it supposed to mean.

I just pray for miracle to happen in 2 weeks time, when the next scan was scheduled to be done.


  1. "Al-sabr minal iman"
    Be strong. Some people has many children, but end-up many of their children with defect and disabilities. It is very difficult test to have child like that, so that only certain people were selected by Him. Maybe He just want to give you a perfect emotionally, physically, and mentally children for you and your husband.
    Leave your hope to Him. :)

  2. Thank you. Indeed.. Allah knows the best.