Her Name is Nik Aisyah HUmaira' episode 2

Alhamdulillah, after few days intubated, her progression was excellent. Initially.

During ventilated, she had jaundice which improved with phototherapy. Her ventilator weaned down then off.

She was put on C-PAP, an oxygen supplier higher than high flow mask, but a little bit lower than ventilator.

A few days later, CPAP was off and was put on head box, then switched to nasal prong oxygen and incubator oxygen.

Now I can see her better. She had a lovely lips, with a well pointed nose. And her eyes were small. Her eyebrows closed to each other. She looked like her dad.

The progression was quite impressive. There was a small PDA, but closed with doses of indomethacin.

Previously I was treated as chorioamnionitis (based on the leaking liquour and fever), luckily alhamdulillah my baby hadn't had any fever. Even though, the specialist in charged had covored her with strong group of antibiotics.

However, there was something I worried about. She seem less active lately than couple of days after she delivered. She slept a lot, hardly open her eyes every time i saw her. And also minimal movement of her limbs. That worried me, because that's not seem normal to me. But the specialists incharge try to convinced me that nothing is wrong as the oxygen was adequate and normal. And the baby's colour was pink.

The condition stay the same. I tried to think positive. Sometimes I can see her indigenous smile, so sweet. I can hear her crying, but rarely, and it was slow.

One day, my baby was transferred from NICU to SCN. I felt so happy. That's mean I can hold her on my arm now. InsyaAllah, if she gain weight fast, she can be home early. The weight at that time was 1.3kg, a llitle bit reduced from her birth weight.

Unfortunately, when I saw her the morning she had been transferred, she was at the acute bed. Having one episode of apnea early that morning. I couldn't hold her yet. She was put back on nasal prong oxygen. BUt alhamdulillah, no more apnea for the rest of the day.

A day after, I went to see my baby with my father in the morning. The staff nurse told me that my baby had episode of shallow breathing that day. Initially I was releif as it was not apnea, but later on I felt worry after I realized that it may lead to it anytime it occured.

My husband came home from work later in the evening. After maghrib, I went to the hospital with him. We was told that Septic workout was done ordered by the specialist and was started on Tienam. She was treated as sepsis. I can feel something's going on.

Coming back home, I felt so miserable, so sad, so angry... so helpless.

It was later at night, when I was started to sleep, I received a phone call from the m.o incharged, told me that my baby was intubated again. She had another episode of apnea. I cried, but I thought it was just intubated as before, nothing worse to occur.

It was late, and my husband will be oncall tomorrow. So I planned to go early in the morning to see her.

About an hour later, another call from the hospital. The same m.o called. My baby condition was worsening. She had coagulopathy. Sepsis with coagulopathy. S

he informed me that there was bruises all over her body and er left hand was swollen due to blood taking over the artery. She afraid that it was gangrene. Ya Allah!

A few minutes later, another call. CPR was performed.

When we arrived, our baby was going. Pupils fixed dilated, but still on ventilator. My hubby told the m.os to off it. Remembering her during that day will weep me. She had bruises all over her body, left hand blackened, her lips dry and had a little movement, gasping.

Now I can hold her in my arm. The first and the last.

She passed away 2.30 am 5th of March 2009. 14 days after given birth.

She left me when my loves started to grow.

Allah lebih menyayanginya.. dan kita semua pun akan kembali kepada Nya.

But I want her to know..

Ummi sayang kamu.