GBS

Semalam my hubby kata, blood C+S (culture and sensitivity)result of my late baby Zainab Humaira' dah keluar. GBS positive. Group B Steptococcus (sila klik untuk maklumat lanjut).

I don't know how should I felt. But I'm sure I'm glad to know THAT. At least it's preventable. I hope the next pregnancy will have good outcome.

For The Rest Of my Life

Thank you sweetheart for this song.. at last you dedicated it to me (tu pun lepas sesi rajuk merajuk..huhu). Love this song very much!

Hope you mean the words....






For The Rest Of my Life- Maher Zain
I praise Allah for sending me you my love
You found your home and sail with me
And I'm here with you
Now let me let you know
You've opened my heart
I was always thinking that love was wrong
But everything was changed when you came along
OOOOO
And there is a couple words I want to say

Chorus:
For the rest of my life
I'll be with you
I'll stay by your side honest and true
Till the end of my time
I'll be loving you...loving you
For the rest of my life
Thru days and night
I'll thank Allah for open my eyes
Now and forever I…I'll be there for you

I know it deep in my heart
I feel so blessed when I think of you
And I ask Allah to bless all we do
You're my wife and my friend and my strength
And I pray we're together in Jannah
Now I find myself so strong
Everything changed when you came along
OOOO
And theres a couple word I want to say

*Repeat Chorus
I know that deep in my heart now that you`re here
Infront of me I strongly feel love
And I have no doubt
And I`m singing loud that I'll love you eternally

Repeat Chorus
I know that deep in my heart..





Ada rahsia..

Akhirnya.. dapat jugak keluar rumah..!

Gi pantai!! Yeay!

Walaupun bertolak kul 6pm, sampai kul 6.40pm- sebab banyak kete on the way nak gi pantai (maklumlah, pantai kat bandar KB ni satu je.. nak2 time cuti ni) dan setengah jam lepas tu balik.

Yang main pantai cuma sorang je.. Damia'! hehe

Abaikan sekejap pasal pantang.. hohoho~ ( sorry Umi! Tapi boring macam nak hilang akal dah ni..)






































I'm soo happy..



















Damia' pun very happy...



















Yang ni pun happy gak.. hehe









































































Ayah ajar Damia' ABC ... bagus2, learn anywhere..






































Jangan risau Umi, jagung ngan kacang rebus k.ngoh tak makan nye..hehe



















Nak balik dah..





















Tq my abang sayang..

I don't feel strong..

Everytime you feel like you cannot go on
You feel so lost
That your so alone
All you is see is night
And darkness all around
You feel so helpless
You can`t see which way to go
Don`t despair and never lose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side

Insya Allah3x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Everytime you commit one more mistake
You feel you can`t repent
And that its way too late
Your`re so confused,wrong decisions you have made
Haunt your mind and your heart is full of shame


Don`t despair and never lose hope
Cause Allah is always by your side
Insya Allah3x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way
Insya Allah3x
Insya Allah you`ll find your way

Turn to Allah
He`s never far away
Put your trust in Him
Raise your hands and pray
OOO Ya Allah
Guide my steps don`t let me go astray
You`re the only one that showed me the way,
Showed me the way 2x
Insya Allah3x
Insya Allah we`ll find the way

Positive thinking....

Positive Aim 1: Be positive

Positive Aim 2: Turunkan berat badan. 13kg!! (Baru turun 3kg ...uhuhu)

Positive Aim 3: Nak gi pulau Kapas... for hubby's birthday

Positive Aim 4: Nak apply master tahun nih jugak! (nak apply gapo nih?? FMS ke ni? ke basic
science jadik lecturer..hmm..pikir2 sebelum bulan september nih.. - but of course
not OnG huhuhu..)

Positive Aim 5: Nak gi haji tahun ni.. (and doa dapat twin!)

Positive Aim 6: Bila start keje, nak try prepare breakfast and lunch early in the morning..chayok! (nak jadi better wife, better mother..)

Positive Aim 7: Family planning.. then another 2 years nak twin!! 2 boys, or 1 boy 1 girl.. (hohoho.. macam boleh pilih2 nak tu nak ni..)

Kau pergi..

pergi






Kenapa ada baby yang lebih kecik cam ni boleh hidup??
.... Hanya Allah yang tahu...

The Second Loss =(

Hari keempat confinement.

Tak sangka, kesedihan tahun lepas berulang lagi. When knew i conceived again, i hope I can get normal healthy baby to replace the sadness.. tapi benarlah kata Allah, tiada siapa yang tahu apa yang berlaku di dalam alam rahim.

I knew I have the risk of another premature labour, but i did not expect it to be this fast... at 26 week of POG. i.e only 6 and half month! I just wish it to be later.. at least when my baby reached 28 week and above, or weight more than 2kg.. but Allah knows the best.

I was admitted to the ward 3 weeks ago for Preterm Premature Ruptured of Membrane at only 24 weeks! Same as previous year- pecah air ketuban awal, terlalu awal. With unknown cause- screening on infection negative, only WBC a bit increased but unknown where's the source of infection. Tak de demam, tak de kerja berat, takde kencing kotor .. suddenly the fluid just gushing out from below. I just cried helplessly.. sooner or later I knew it will happen. The baby will come out.

And I'm happy enough to be in ward 3 weeks without contraction and fever. Although memang boring tersangat2 tahap gaban... sometimes I felt like give up, but I pray to Allah to give me strength.

Aku tahu aku banyak buat dosa.. dosa mata, dosa hati, dosa mulut, dosa fikiran2 yang kotor lagi jahat.....astaghfirullahala'zim. Mungkin ujian ini untuk mengingatkan aku akan dosa2 yang aku dah lakukan? mungkin juga untuk menghapuskan dosa2 aku?

"Tidaklah menimpa seorang mukmin satu kepayahan pun, tidak pula sakit yang terus menerus, tidak pula kecemasan, kesedihan, gangguan dan tidak pula kesusahan sekalipun duri yang menusuknya, kecuali dengan semua itu Allah akan menghapuskan kesalahan2nya" (Riwayat Bukhari)

Dan baru lah aku tahu juga, pentingnya ziarah bagi orang sakit. .. . menziarahi orang sakit sekaligus dapat memberi moral support, menggembirakan pesakit walaupun tak dapat hadiah.

I had tried my best to save the baby, including allowing amnioinfusion done (procedure done to replace the amniotic fluid- using needle, 200-300ml warm saline infused to the uterus tru abdomen). The procedure is very rare. I think less than 10 people done here, at KB. But if I didn't do it, the baby is at risk as well.. lung hypoplasia and all due to severe oligohydromnios (AFI on admision was almost nil). May also later on leads to premature contraction. And if I did the procedure - also have some risk and benefit. But alhamdulillah, procedure done 2x and had no complication. Cuma still leaking berterusan, masuk air, keluar balik... continuosly. Aku hanya pasrah dan berserah pada yang Esa.

Hinggalah ke saat kelahirannya. Benarlah, anak itu rezeki dari yang Esa. Kalau Allah tak mahu bagi, kita plan pun tak dapat jugak. Kalau Allah nak bagi, tak perlu susah2, belas2 orang dapat..
Moga kejadian ini menjadikan aku lebih hampir kepadaNya..

Dari Syahhah bin Aus dan AlSunabihi ra bahawa keduanya telah masuk melawat seorang yang sakit, lalu mereka bertanya kepadanya," Bagaimana keadaanmu pagi ini?" Dia menjawab "Aku berada dalam keadaan yang baik"
Syaddad berkata kepadanya " Bergembiralah engkau dengan perkara2 yang menghapuskan dosa2 dan menggugurkan kesalahan, kerana aku telah mendengar Rasulullah saw bersabda: "Sesungguhnya Allah swt berfirman, " Apabila Aku menguji seseorang dari hamba2Ku yang mukmmin dengan sesuatu penyakit, lalu ia memujiKu kerana ujianKu itu, maka sesungguhnya dia akan bangkit dari tempat perbaringannya itu seperti masa dia dilahirkan oleh ibunya- bersih dari segala kesalahan'" dan Allah berfirman kepada malaikat penulis amalan itu," Aku telah mengikat hambaKu itu dan lakukanlah kepadanyaapa yang kamu biasa lakukan untuknya semasa dia berkeadaan sihat (menulis amal baiknya)

Many thanks to my uMmi, abah and my loving hubby for being by my side during my sadness and loneliness.. Semoga Allah mengampuni dosa2 kalian dan dosa aku jua...

Ya Allah... berikan aku kekuatan dan ketabahan hati. Kurniakan kepada aku rezeki yang lebih baik.. jangan Engkau uji daku dengan sesuatu yang tak dapat aku tanggung.. amin ya Rabb..

oh... this baby was named Nik Zainab Humaira'... weight 965g. Born on 30th of January 2010, 4.57 am. Passed away on the same day, 5.00 pm.